One Psychological Barrier Broken.

Sooooo...  Did first sportive today. Had 6 hour ride on my plan, but thought I'd enter 100 miler instead. Actually it was officially 104 miles. But I did 107. I'll explain that later.

The day got off to rather a rushed start, Registration for the ride opened at 6.30am, and I had intended to get up at 5am, get packed, and get there for 7am. (Ride was in Peterborough, 55 miles away)
Instead I woke up with a jump, (a ''oh no I've switched the alarm off and rolled over'' jump) looked at my phone and it said 6.45. Oh dear. The last riders had to be on the road for 9am. By the time I'd got ready, packed nutrition, packed change of clothes, got bike rack out and on car, took bike rack off car because bike wouldn't fit on it, put seats down and shoved bike in, and messed about with satnav, it was 7.30. I put my gear on, almost leaving my winter jacket at home, but stuffing it in my bag at the last minute. I set off having had no breakfast, never a good start. I also hate rushing for anything.

Satnav took me on a mystery tour on all back roads instead of direct, so I arrived at 8.50. Registered and set off. I assumed most other riders had set off already. For the first 25 miles or so I saw no one.
It was pretty lonely. As we approached rather a large hill I began to catch up with people.

The hills were extremely steep. As I went up the first one several people were getting off to walk. Sensible idea. A few minutes later I saw no less than three people fall to one side as they couldn't keep momentum going, and didn't unclip their shoes in time.
I kept pushing up, quads burning, but determined not to give up. I just kept thinking that I couldn't get off and walk in front of everyone, I was riding my tri bike with aerobars and tip shifters, had all my matching tri coaching kit on, and white Oakley sunglasses. There was no way I was going to have people muttering ''All the gear and no idea'' in my direction.

The hills seemed pretty relentless for a few miles, getting steeper and steeper. I was feeling the burn by mile 45. I bypassed the first and second feed stations, not wanting to stop. My plan was to use my own gels, and do the first half without stopping at all, which would be practice for Mallorca in three weeks. Lunch was being served at mile 60, and I'd stop for 20 minutes, which fitted in nicely. It would also give me chance to practice nutrition. I intended to have a drink of water with electrolyte tablets in every 10 minutes, (not having sports drinks anymore, can't stand them) and a gel every thirty. My garmin put stop to that. Because it stopped. Literally. I now had to guess when to eat.

The scenery was beautiful, but strangely enough I had to remind myself to look around. I remember writing a blog months ago about my coach telling me I didn't focus. That has definitely changed now. I mean I wasn't completely concentrating, that would be impossible, but I was thinking a lot about my technique, and correcting myself if my form was slipping.

There was a nasty headwind for a few miles, but I tried not to slow too much. I was now passing quite a few people, nearly all of them male. I wondered where all the women were? There was also a 100k ride, maybe they did that one. Or maybe normal women stay at home baking cakes and knitting instead of racing round in lycra overtaking.
For some reason I always feel like I should apologise for going past people. As if it is rude. At one point I was behind two ''old boys'', who were wearing Enduroman UK tops. I actually slowed down. For a start they were older than me, must be respectful. Also, wasn't Enduroman the double Iron distance?? I'm sure I've read about it in a magazine. Whatever it is they aren't going to appreciate being ''chicked'' by me. But eventually I had to. But if you're reading this, I'm sorry!!

Most men I passed seemed rather surprised. Especially that I was female. I heard one bloke say to his friend ''You do know a woman has just passed us don't you? That's not right.''
Made me giggle my head off.

As I rounded a corner and began up another hill, I started to feel spots of rain. The weather recently has been appalling, but I had hoped all week it would be ok for today. Mm. It got heavier, and heavier, and then turned into a monsoon. It just poured down. Within minutes I was soaked. I got down on the aerobars and hammered it, because I was at mile 58 and knew feed station wasn't far. Rain and hail battered down, and I couldn't even see where I was going. My hands and feet were sodden and freezing.

When I arrived people stood inside parted to let me through, pitying looks on their faces. I looked like I'd been dunked in a bath. Not one part of me was dry. I took my jacket and shoes off, and got a cup of coffee. I wanted to scream. Or cry. Or both. I hate being cold. I hate being wet. And now I was both, still with 44 miles to go.

I got some lunch from the buffet and sat down in the corner, shivering. I was so cold, and knew that going   back on the bike would be horrible.
I went into the toilet and wrung my socks and gloves out, and then spent 35 minutes trying to dry them under the hand dryer.
I'd only planned to stay there for 20 minutes, but I was so cold I sat around for longer. I looked at the Roadside Assistance number we'd been given, and was sorely tempted several times to call and ask to be picked up.
I then imagined myself sat at home later, sad and disappointed that I hadn't finished the ride. I'd said I'd do 100 miles, so 100 miles it was.
To get back on that bike 55 minutes later and keep going in the freezing conditions knowing I still had a few hours to go took more mental strength and willpower than the physical effort of the ride.

My feet were icy cold and numb, a strange feeling. I kept moving them but couldn't feel anything. I just repeated over and over again, ''circles, circles, circles''. (Referring to pedalling motion). I disconnected from the pain my hands and feet were in, and just thought about that.
Going through a town, I obviously disconnected so much that I missed the yellow arrow I was meant to follow and went the wrong way. That's how I did 107 and not 104. I wasn't impressed. Had a bit of a strop actually. I ''missed my Nan and wanted to go home''.
The emotional ups and downs are amazing really. Twenty minutes later I was screaming in delight, Shouting at the top of my voice, ''Foxy Roxy The Equinox-y!!'' (My bikes name, it's a Trek Equinox) whilst zooming down a hill at 42mph. This has given me the knowledge that the race will have serious down points.. but they will pass.

I missed my cycling buddies, and having people to talk to and laugh with, -although when I stopped at mile 90 feed station for a hot drink I had quite a few chats to people- but overall I'd say I was ok, and enjoyed the challenge. When there's no one there to distract you from the physical pain and monotony it's just you and your own head.. and overcoming that was a good test for me.
There was no way I was stopping before I'd done 100. I think it was a huge psychological barrier for me, and breaking it has made me relax a bit. If I can do 107 I can do 112.
But when I finished I thought, ''I haven't swum 2.4 miles. And do I now want to ride another 5, then do a marathon?''

Erm.... NO! I want a cup of tea, a bag of chips and a bath!! It has made me realise again how much you have to respect the distance, and what you are actually asking your body to do. It's massive. Next week I am booked to do a 5k swim, it's in a pool, not open water, but it is further than Outlaw distance. I think I need to know I can do each separately. Unfortunately I won't have that  peace of mind with the run, but I do have the knowledge that I will not stop, even if I have to walk most of it. That will get me round.

It's massive for me that I've just done this today though. As I rode towards the finish I was grinning and said out loud, ''I actually can't believe I've just done it.'' I know I've trained and everything, but I still feel really surprised at what I've achieved.

One thing's for sure, my body definitely knows I've achieved it, because every single muscle aches!!! Off to bed now. And won't be setting the alarm!! :)