I've got shin splints!! : (
As I've said many times before, running is the discipline I find most challenging. I say a lot how I don't want to run, but now I actually can't run. (and isn't it strange how the second you know you can't have something you begin to want it more than ever before?! If my legs said yay, lets go running right now, I'd be off like a shot) Pain in my legs, tender shins, and can't put weight evenly on my feet. I had this before a few years ago, ignored it and ended up with tendonitis so bad I couldn't put my shoes on. So I kind of recognised this pain, but it was nowhere near as bad, (I can still walk) so I decided to be in denial. No denying it now though. Went to the track session tonight, and couldn't do it. It felt like stepping on a knife everytime my foot hit the floor. Stopped and spoke to the coach, and he confirmed my fears when he pressed my leg and I nearly booted him in the face. Then he said the dreaded words..
''No running''.
'What? No running?! What do you mean?''
''I mean no running! If you carry on you could be out for months, shin splints are bad''.
*slightly concerned tone* ''None at all? What about next week, and my plan?! What about the run walk?''
''I'd really advise not to run at all next week. Possibly a few weeks, see how it goes''.
*I hope you're joking tone* ''What am I going to do?! Not even a bit? Not even a short one?''
-Coach just looks at me-
*High pitched squeak* But... the marathon... the Outlaw... my sanity...''
So there it is.. I had to sit out like at school when you're sent to the bench for being crap, even though the teachers pretend it's because there are odd numbers in the teams.
Yesterday I had a 2 hour run planned, and started practising my run/walk method, which I'll be using in the marathon. I managed to cover eleven miles, and felt great when I'd done it, felt really positive about where the running was headed. I knew by following that plan I could get through it, and up to now I don't know if I have believed it!
And now...
I have a bag of peas on each shin, my legs elevated, and when I came in I straight away looked up shin splints. What for I don't know. I think I was hoping to find a miraculous site that said something like, 'It's only going to hurt today, don't worry, you can do your run on Monday' Unfortunately that is not what it said. It said what I already knew. Rest, ice, elevation. REST.
''I don't want to rest, I want to run! What am I going to do now?! I won't be able to do it will I! I 'll rest and then try and run again and I'll be crap and knackered and slow and just fall in a heap and then after all that what if it happens again?! What if I can't run at all?! All that time, all that effort, wasted! Wasted! I was doing so well, and now what if I won't be able to do it, I won't get my medal or my picture or that nice hoody...'' Ladies and Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet The Sheriff... I'm doing my best to keep him quiet. As you can imagine he has a lot to say on the matter.
So for now, I will have to fill my running spaces with cycling or swimming, ice the legs, more strength and conditioning, and find a foam roller to roll my shins on. -What a barrel of laughs that will be!!-
I'm going to try not to be neurotic, but this has become such a huge part of my life it's difficult.. I can't do what I need to do, and it is frustrating!!
But then again, Kelly Holmes couldn't run at all for 8 months before Athens, and then she went out first (and second) time and won gold. So maybe I'll be ok : )
Friday, 24 February 2012
Sunday, 19 February 2012
Don't Forget The Half!
Did the furthest ride I've ever done today, 65 and a half (don't forget the half) miles. I got a lift to the starting point, and then did a 49 miler with everyone, then rode back home. The last 5 or so miles felt difficult at times, everything started to ache and twinge. A large hill in the last mile almost finished me off, my hamstring went into spasm and I had to get off the bike and massage it out. (the spasm, not the hamstring, although that may have been easier) I was quite frustrated at that, I didn't want to stop.
My distraction from pain methods were as follows- I groaned and screamed a few times, swore a few times, talked to myself ('I'm not tired, my legs don't hurt, I'm having fun, wa hey'), talked to my bike (come on Rita, we can do it) started singing, -Walking on sunshine by whoever that happy clappy singer was at Eurovision that year.. (By the way I know perfectly who it was, I'm just pretending not to for the sake of my street cred) Don't stop me now by Queen, and Sexy Bitch by some hip hop smack yo' biatch up artist. Just to point out, I did not think I looked like, or was a Sexy Bitch, I think it's because I could hear the tune playing in my head as well, and it's got a very loud and fast beat, which is what I needed. It goes like DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH Damn whos a sexy bitch, a sexy bitch, damn whos a sexy bitch. What an articulate and inspiring song. And that's without the chorus that refers to said sexy bitch being a little free with her favours. And actually, on reflection, if lycra outfits were ever to make it into the running of what is sexy, I do think I and my bike would both be proper sexy bitches, because we are perfectly colour co-ordinated, and to me, that is almost certainly attractive. Things that match always are. Anyway keeping with the hardcore music theme after that I got Tchaikovskys 18/12 overture playing, which has to be one of the best pieces of classical music ever in my opinion. When I hear it I ALWAYS start conducting and waving my head and arms around, so I had to change stations, both hands are needed on handlebars. Don't you wish you could listen to my station? Hip hop to Tchaikovsky in a matter of minutes. Sorry to disappoint, it's in my head, so you can't.
I missed out on the tea and cake today, because I cycled home without stopping. I wasn't going to stop and sit down and get cosy just to have to start again. I know myself, and I'd have ended up bumming a lift. I was surprised to find I really missed it! Not just because I love cake, but I missed talking to everyone. I've always considered myself very self reliant, self confident and maybe a bit in my own head, but recently I've realised that maybe that isn't entirely true. Because I really think I couldn't do this without others. I love being part of a group who are aiming for the same thing, being able to talk to people and get advice, (got some invaluble info about pedalling technique from someone today, can already tell the difference) getting each other through the tough bits, laughing and messing about.. and being part of other peoples experience too, seeing how they have improved and changed. So next week my intention is to get up earlier and cycle to the start, do the ride that way, and then hopefully grab a lift back. Then I don't miss out on my favourite bit.
My second favourite bit is sitting down. And you haven't sat down until you've cycled 65 (and a half) miles and THEN sat down. I came in, stripped all my soggy salty clothes off and flopped on the sofa. My whole body went aaahhhhhh, and let out a huge sigh of relief. Pasta dish I prepared last night -I cooked in advance, amazing!!- went in microwave, dvd on, heaven.
The Evil Sheriff popped up as I was eating and tried to tell me I shouldn't be so knackered after 'only' 65 miles, I hadn't run off the bike, what would I do in July when it is twice the distance, I'm not fast enough, fit enough, legs will cave in etc, but I managed to ignore him. Just. I tried really hard today, and pushed as much as I could, even when I was knackered. So he can shut up for now, I'm happy with what I've done this session.
Do think I've got to concentrate on some strength and conditioning work though.. and stretching. Maybe it'll stop the burning and cramps. I did do kind of a half hearted stretch while I was waiting for my pasta, but my legs ached that much I just wanted to take the weight off. Stretching is like paying your council tax bill.. you really don't want to do it, you put it off for ages, but it really is neccessary, or the consequences will bite you on the ass. That's my goal for next week. Strength and condition, and stretch.
Got another bike ride scheduled for tomorrow, but only 90 minutes. Hopefully I'll be ok for that, right now I'm really tired, and a bit fuzzy headed! Only drank 1 and half bottles on the bike though.. probably dehydrated.
I was eating haribos and High 5 bars.. have switched to High 5 from Powerbar because High 5 are the Outlaw sponsors, but their bars are a bit like soggy cardboard. Powerbars are very nice indeed. But at least I won't have a High 5 bar for a snack or my breakfast. When I had a box of Powerbars in the cupboard not many of them actually made it onto the bike with me, they kept me company in the evenings instead! Got to learn to love gels I think.. but they just make me want to be sick. I don't do slimy.
It's amazing how this race takes over your life.. it's just such a huge part of it. If I'm not training I'm recovering, eating, sleeping, packing my things for the next day's session, writing about it, thinking about it, reading about it, talking about it.. dreaming about it!! Makes me wonder what it will be like post-Outlaw.. probably won't know what to do with myself! Still can't always get my head around the enormity of it. It really scares me. So for now, one training session at a time.
I know I can do 65 (and a half) miles now anyway :)
My distraction from pain methods were as follows- I groaned and screamed a few times, swore a few times, talked to myself ('I'm not tired, my legs don't hurt, I'm having fun, wa hey'), talked to my bike (come on Rita, we can do it) started singing, -Walking on sunshine by whoever that happy clappy singer was at Eurovision that year.. (By the way I know perfectly who it was, I'm just pretending not to for the sake of my street cred) Don't stop me now by Queen, and Sexy Bitch by some hip hop smack yo' biatch up artist. Just to point out, I did not think I looked like, or was a Sexy Bitch, I think it's because I could hear the tune playing in my head as well, and it's got a very loud and fast beat, which is what I needed. It goes like DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH Damn whos a sexy bitch, a sexy bitch, damn whos a sexy bitch. What an articulate and inspiring song. And that's without the chorus that refers to said sexy bitch being a little free with her favours. And actually, on reflection, if lycra outfits were ever to make it into the running of what is sexy, I do think I and my bike would both be proper sexy bitches, because we are perfectly colour co-ordinated, and to me, that is almost certainly attractive. Things that match always are. Anyway keeping with the hardcore music theme after that I got Tchaikovskys 18/12 overture playing, which has to be one of the best pieces of classical music ever in my opinion. When I hear it I ALWAYS start conducting and waving my head and arms around, so I had to change stations, both hands are needed on handlebars. Don't you wish you could listen to my station? Hip hop to Tchaikovsky in a matter of minutes. Sorry to disappoint, it's in my head, so you can't.
I missed out on the tea and cake today, because I cycled home without stopping. I wasn't going to stop and sit down and get cosy just to have to start again. I know myself, and I'd have ended up bumming a lift. I was surprised to find I really missed it! Not just because I love cake, but I missed talking to everyone. I've always considered myself very self reliant, self confident and maybe a bit in my own head, but recently I've realised that maybe that isn't entirely true. Because I really think I couldn't do this without others. I love being part of a group who are aiming for the same thing, being able to talk to people and get advice, (got some invaluble info about pedalling technique from someone today, can already tell the difference) getting each other through the tough bits, laughing and messing about.. and being part of other peoples experience too, seeing how they have improved and changed. So next week my intention is to get up earlier and cycle to the start, do the ride that way, and then hopefully grab a lift back. Then I don't miss out on my favourite bit.
My second favourite bit is sitting down. And you haven't sat down until you've cycled 65 (and a half) miles and THEN sat down. I came in, stripped all my soggy salty clothes off and flopped on the sofa. My whole body went aaahhhhhh, and let out a huge sigh of relief. Pasta dish I prepared last night -I cooked in advance, amazing!!- went in microwave, dvd on, heaven.
The Evil Sheriff popped up as I was eating and tried to tell me I shouldn't be so knackered after 'only' 65 miles, I hadn't run off the bike, what would I do in July when it is twice the distance, I'm not fast enough, fit enough, legs will cave in etc, but I managed to ignore him. Just. I tried really hard today, and pushed as much as I could, even when I was knackered. So he can shut up for now, I'm happy with what I've done this session.
Do think I've got to concentrate on some strength and conditioning work though.. and stretching. Maybe it'll stop the burning and cramps. I did do kind of a half hearted stretch while I was waiting for my pasta, but my legs ached that much I just wanted to take the weight off. Stretching is like paying your council tax bill.. you really don't want to do it, you put it off for ages, but it really is neccessary, or the consequences will bite you on the ass. That's my goal for next week. Strength and condition, and stretch.
Got another bike ride scheduled for tomorrow, but only 90 minutes. Hopefully I'll be ok for that, right now I'm really tired, and a bit fuzzy headed! Only drank 1 and half bottles on the bike though.. probably dehydrated.
I was eating haribos and High 5 bars.. have switched to High 5 from Powerbar because High 5 are the Outlaw sponsors, but their bars are a bit like soggy cardboard. Powerbars are very nice indeed. But at least I won't have a High 5 bar for a snack or my breakfast. When I had a box of Powerbars in the cupboard not many of them actually made it onto the bike with me, they kept me company in the evenings instead! Got to learn to love gels I think.. but they just make me want to be sick. I don't do slimy.
It's amazing how this race takes over your life.. it's just such a huge part of it. If I'm not training I'm recovering, eating, sleeping, packing my things for the next day's session, writing about it, thinking about it, reading about it, talking about it.. dreaming about it!! Makes me wonder what it will be like post-Outlaw.. probably won't know what to do with myself! Still can't always get my head around the enormity of it. It really scares me. So for now, one training session at a time.
I know I can do 65 (and a half) miles now anyway :)
Sunday, 12 February 2012
I'll Remember Today.
I'll remember today.
It was a good ride. Haven't managed to get out on my bike for over a week now because of the ice and snow, so it was great. Felt good, and not tired which is a pleasant change! This week has been a recovery week, so the volume of training lessoned. It was a real treat to only have to ride for 2 and half hours! I've been thinking that after the Outlaw I'm probably going to feel great that I don't have to go and do so much long training, and also that I can be brave enough to really push it. Now when I have energy I constantly remind myself to hold back and reserve, and I sometimes miss the fast and furious of going as hard as you can, that's when I feel I've really worked hard!
Seem to be doing that in swimming recently.. Wednesday swim after being told to 'take it steady' I zoomed off and spent most of the session feeling like my arms were going to drop off. That also had something to do with me racing the bloke in the lane next to me though, we both set off at the same time, and at first we were all polite, gliding along in sync, but then as we turned I felt him speed up, and I wasn't having that, so I sped up and overtook, and he wasn't having that either, so then it was full out war, and by the end of the set my face was the colour of a tomato, but naturally I was acting all cool and trying to pretend I hadn't been trying to win him at all. When he spluttered ''I wasn't going to let you beat me'' I knew he was knackered too, so I was happy. (We finished at the same time by the way, I know you all wanted to know who won)
Anyway, I learnt my lesson from the last ride, and today had another pair of gloves on, an extra baselayer, and some thicker overshoes. Slight numbness at the beginning, but that soon dissappeared, and I was toasty for most of the way. The scenery today was stunning, I kept wanting to take pictures, but didn't want to risk my hands freezing, and also didn't want to stop, have everyone ride past and leave me and I get lost. And I would get lost, because I'm one of those people who has no sense of direction whatsoever. Even with a satnav I take the wrong turnings. And a map? No idea what that is about. It just doesn't make sense to me at all. I always find that when someone has a map and explains it to me they always have to turn it round and sideways and whatever, so it's no wonder it doesn't make sense! I just have to nod and make 'mm hmm' noises so they think I know what they're on about. Why not just have the line pointing to where you're going?! Much easier. Nope, maps and I do not click. Pretty much like computers, (What's wrong with a notepad and pen I say) flat pack furniture, (The work of the devil) and anything with instructions actually. There is something about anything technical that makes me glaze over. I just go, and start thinking about what I'm having for dinner, or the hundreds of more interesting and useful things I could be doing rather than sitting there trying to understand something that is clearly put together by someone from a different planet to the one I frequent.
But today it wasn't me that needed a map, it was a few others. Some people decided to do a little detour, and add quite a few extra miles on while they were at it. Luckily no one had to chase after them this time, as they were too far gone. We'd become seperated into two groups, and the front group thought they were with the other group, and the other group thought they were with us. No. Said cyclists were in their own little special group, going in the wrong direction. Fortunately one person had taken a phone with them, they were told where we were, and they soon caught up. This was one instance where technology proved very useful! What did people do before phones?! Did they wear reins? or have luggage tags around the neck, ''please return to...'' ? Or maybe they just learnt to read maps. Doesn't bear thinking about, I'm glad I live in the modern world. Even if I do prefer a notepad and pen.
When we were riding back I felt like today will be one of those sessions I remember, not for any special reason, nothing miraculous happened, but just for all the right reasons. Unlike the last ride I did, which almost bought me to tears several times, today I felt thankful, I suppose, that I can get out and do this. Privileged. Riding along, I looked around at the snow on the fields, the birds in the trees, and felt so happy. Uplifted.
....the air smelt sweet, the sun was settling on the horizon caressing the contours of my face with the last light of the day, the piano in the background was playing my favourite song... (Just kidding)
In a nutshell, I just felt lucky to be alive today I guess. And at that moment I missed our friend awfully, and wished he could have been a part of this with us.. I never got to share this with him, never got to tell him my huge and crazy idea to do the Outlaw, or hear what he thought of it. But sometimes I see his face laughing, and remember stuff he said, and I hope he's watching all of us.
Seriously though, tree hugging aside, I do appreciate my life and my health greatly, I appreciate my brilliant friends who are sharing this journey with me, start to finish, and I do think that it's wonderful to connect with the bigger picture sometimes. Be in the moment, and enjoy that moment for what it is.
I'll remember today.
It was a good ride. Haven't managed to get out on my bike for over a week now because of the ice and snow, so it was great. Felt good, and not tired which is a pleasant change! This week has been a recovery week, so the volume of training lessoned. It was a real treat to only have to ride for 2 and half hours! I've been thinking that after the Outlaw I'm probably going to feel great that I don't have to go and do so much long training, and also that I can be brave enough to really push it. Now when I have energy I constantly remind myself to hold back and reserve, and I sometimes miss the fast and furious of going as hard as you can, that's when I feel I've really worked hard!
Seem to be doing that in swimming recently.. Wednesday swim after being told to 'take it steady' I zoomed off and spent most of the session feeling like my arms were going to drop off. That also had something to do with me racing the bloke in the lane next to me though, we both set off at the same time, and at first we were all polite, gliding along in sync, but then as we turned I felt him speed up, and I wasn't having that, so I sped up and overtook, and he wasn't having that either, so then it was full out war, and by the end of the set my face was the colour of a tomato, but naturally I was acting all cool and trying to pretend I hadn't been trying to win him at all. When he spluttered ''I wasn't going to let you beat me'' I knew he was knackered too, so I was happy. (We finished at the same time by the way, I know you all wanted to know who won)
Anyway, I learnt my lesson from the last ride, and today had another pair of gloves on, an extra baselayer, and some thicker overshoes. Slight numbness at the beginning, but that soon dissappeared, and I was toasty for most of the way. The scenery today was stunning, I kept wanting to take pictures, but didn't want to risk my hands freezing, and also didn't want to stop, have everyone ride past and leave me and I get lost. And I would get lost, because I'm one of those people who has no sense of direction whatsoever. Even with a satnav I take the wrong turnings. And a map? No idea what that is about. It just doesn't make sense to me at all. I always find that when someone has a map and explains it to me they always have to turn it round and sideways and whatever, so it's no wonder it doesn't make sense! I just have to nod and make 'mm hmm' noises so they think I know what they're on about. Why not just have the line pointing to where you're going?! Much easier. Nope, maps and I do not click. Pretty much like computers, (What's wrong with a notepad and pen I say) flat pack furniture, (The work of the devil) and anything with instructions actually. There is something about anything technical that makes me glaze over. I just go, and start thinking about what I'm having for dinner, or the hundreds of more interesting and useful things I could be doing rather than sitting there trying to understand something that is clearly put together by someone from a different planet to the one I frequent.
But today it wasn't me that needed a map, it was a few others. Some people decided to do a little detour, and add quite a few extra miles on while they were at it. Luckily no one had to chase after them this time, as they were too far gone. We'd become seperated into two groups, and the front group thought they were with the other group, and the other group thought they were with us. No. Said cyclists were in their own little special group, going in the wrong direction. Fortunately one person had taken a phone with them, they were told where we were, and they soon caught up. This was one instance where technology proved very useful! What did people do before phones?! Did they wear reins? or have luggage tags around the neck, ''please return to...'' ? Or maybe they just learnt to read maps. Doesn't bear thinking about, I'm glad I live in the modern world. Even if I do prefer a notepad and pen.
When we were riding back I felt like today will be one of those sessions I remember, not for any special reason, nothing miraculous happened, but just for all the right reasons. Unlike the last ride I did, which almost bought me to tears several times, today I felt thankful, I suppose, that I can get out and do this. Privileged. Riding along, I looked around at the snow on the fields, the birds in the trees, and felt so happy. Uplifted.
....the air smelt sweet, the sun was settling on the horizon caressing the contours of my face with the last light of the day, the piano in the background was playing my favourite song... (Just kidding)
In a nutshell, I just felt lucky to be alive today I guess. And at that moment I missed our friend awfully, and wished he could have been a part of this with us.. I never got to share this with him, never got to tell him my huge and crazy idea to do the Outlaw, or hear what he thought of it. But sometimes I see his face laughing, and remember stuff he said, and I hope he's watching all of us.
Seriously though, tree hugging aside, I do appreciate my life and my health greatly, I appreciate my brilliant friends who are sharing this journey with me, start to finish, and I do think that it's wonderful to connect with the bigger picture sometimes. Be in the moment, and enjoy that moment for what it is.
I'll remember today.
Saturday, 4 February 2012
The Evil Sheriff
I have a gremlin in my head. It's the gremlin who pops up when I'm trying to have fun, or think about something other than training/triathlon/sleeping/lycra. I've named it ''The Evil Sheriff''. (Sheriff of Nottingham, geddit) I'll introduce you to it.
Take last Thursday evening for example. I have recently started to play badminton with a group of people, and really enjoy it. Everyone is really welcoming, friendly, and it's really nice to enjoy sport in a relaxed and non competitive environment. To not have pressure to go at this many minute mile pace for this long, or stay in this heart rate zone just below threshold. It's a laugh, it's fun, it's messing about. (that's what I do anyway)
When my friend first asked me to go, I was really looking forward to it, I've always enjoyed badminton, (people who are crap at tennis and squash always do, it's easier) and used to play every week when I was younger. But then, as I thought about it, The Sheriff started up.
Sheriff- ''This is on a Thursday night. Thursday night is swimming and spinning. You can't go''.
Me- ''Yes I can, I can go swimming, and miss spinning, I don't like it anyway, I'll do an hour ride on Friday instead''.
Sheriff- ''You don't like it?! How dare you say you don't like it! Spinning is cycling focussed, it will make you a better triathlete! Or don't you want to be a triathlete anymore? You aren't THAT dedicated, or you wouldn't be going to play badminton! Before you know it you'll be out of lycra and be buying pleated skirts instead''
Cue me flapping completely about missing something I don't even enjoy, and thinking that I'm not dedicated or a ''proper'' triathlete just because I want to do something different! It's insane. I'm insane.
Anyway, off I went to badminton, had a great time, but didn't feel like I'd had a 'proper' workout. Generally when I've finished a training session I feel like I've done something. Usually from the burning in my thighs and the relief that it's over. (I suppose doing the long ride/run combo makes you realise what hard work actually is) so that bought it on again.
Sheriff- ''What was the point in that? You haven't done anything useful for the Outlaw there, you've just wasted an evening when you could have been doing tri training!''
Me- ''But I don't want to do tri training, I want to do this!''
-Sheriff pulls disgusted face and turns away from me-
I feel almost guilty for 'betraying' my sport and daring to invest my time in something else.
After badminton finishes at 10pm, people go to the pub. I immediately start thinking about what time I'll get home and if it will affect the next days' run. Should I have a diet coke or a J2O? J20 has a lot of sugar in, but then there is the aspartame issue..
I shush the voice, order my coke, and have a great night, arriving home at 11.45pm.
At Swimming on Wednesday I went into the bottom lane for the last 15 minutes to practice- wait for it- butterfly. Yes, a stroke that is not front crawl, and not triathlete-ish in the slightest. I desperately want to improve my fly, mainly because it helps with back and shoulder flexibility, which I definitely need to improve.. That aside, when it's done properly it's fantastic to see. But as I was starting, I wondered if I was wasting precious training time on the ''wrong'' stroke. As a swimming teacher, I know this is ridiculous, All four strokes impact on each other, being able to do butterfly efficiently will improve my front crawl. But it didn't stop the doubt.
This week at badminton I was playing, and my shins started to get sore. I had been for a run the day before, and am used to various aches, but this set The Sheriff right off.
Sheriff- ''Oh,there we go, pain in the shins, badminton will cause some strange lateral movement injury because you aren't used to it, and you won't be able to run at all, and that'll be the training out of the window.''
Today as flakes started falling, I wasn't worried about my heating bill, or my car failing to start, no, as I stood at the window watching the white stuff fall and wishing it'd stop, I was thinking how I won't be able to ride my bike. And there is absolutely no way I could even contemplate riding on a turbo for 4 hours. 4 minutes and I'm bored out of my head. So the snow is a curse for me and my anxiety levels!!
Writing this I'm realising just how much I obsess about my training.. logic tells me that taking time for different interests, different sports and different routines all help, but The Sheriff is always in the background, telling me I haven't trained enough, I'm not doing enough, going fast enough, hard enough, eating the right things, etc.
I find myself looking at my schedule and my calendar, flapping about sessions I've missed and how many weeks I've got to go, trying to swap things to make it fit, analysing my speed, obsessing I'll be so slow that I won't make the cutoff, and thinking it'd be easier to just quit and pull out.
Obviously I won't do that, but sometimes... Aaaargh!!
To quote a good friend of mine- ''Triathlon is like having a relationship with someone who messes with your mind!''
Take last Thursday evening for example. I have recently started to play badminton with a group of people, and really enjoy it. Everyone is really welcoming, friendly, and it's really nice to enjoy sport in a relaxed and non competitive environment. To not have pressure to go at this many minute mile pace for this long, or stay in this heart rate zone just below threshold. It's a laugh, it's fun, it's messing about. (that's what I do anyway)
When my friend first asked me to go, I was really looking forward to it, I've always enjoyed badminton, (people who are crap at tennis and squash always do, it's easier) and used to play every week when I was younger. But then, as I thought about it, The Sheriff started up.
Sheriff- ''This is on a Thursday night. Thursday night is swimming and spinning. You can't go''.
Me- ''Yes I can, I can go swimming, and miss spinning, I don't like it anyway, I'll do an hour ride on Friday instead''.
Sheriff- ''You don't like it?! How dare you say you don't like it! Spinning is cycling focussed, it will make you a better triathlete! Or don't you want to be a triathlete anymore? You aren't THAT dedicated, or you wouldn't be going to play badminton! Before you know it you'll be out of lycra and be buying pleated skirts instead''
Cue me flapping completely about missing something I don't even enjoy, and thinking that I'm not dedicated or a ''proper'' triathlete just because I want to do something different! It's insane. I'm insane.
Anyway, off I went to badminton, had a great time, but didn't feel like I'd had a 'proper' workout. Generally when I've finished a training session I feel like I've done something. Usually from the burning in my thighs and the relief that it's over. (I suppose doing the long ride/run combo makes you realise what hard work actually is) so that bought it on again.
Sheriff- ''What was the point in that? You haven't done anything useful for the Outlaw there, you've just wasted an evening when you could have been doing tri training!''
Me- ''But I don't want to do tri training, I want to do this!''
-Sheriff pulls disgusted face and turns away from me-
I feel almost guilty for 'betraying' my sport and daring to invest my time in something else.
After badminton finishes at 10pm, people go to the pub. I immediately start thinking about what time I'll get home and if it will affect the next days' run. Should I have a diet coke or a J2O? J20 has a lot of sugar in, but then there is the aspartame issue..
I shush the voice, order my coke, and have a great night, arriving home at 11.45pm.
At Swimming on Wednesday I went into the bottom lane for the last 15 minutes to practice- wait for it- butterfly. Yes, a stroke that is not front crawl, and not triathlete-ish in the slightest. I desperately want to improve my fly, mainly because it helps with back and shoulder flexibility, which I definitely need to improve.. That aside, when it's done properly it's fantastic to see. But as I was starting, I wondered if I was wasting precious training time on the ''wrong'' stroke. As a swimming teacher, I know this is ridiculous, All four strokes impact on each other, being able to do butterfly efficiently will improve my front crawl. But it didn't stop the doubt.
This week at badminton I was playing, and my shins started to get sore. I had been for a run the day before, and am used to various aches, but this set The Sheriff right off.
Sheriff- ''Oh,there we go, pain in the shins, badminton will cause some strange lateral movement injury because you aren't used to it, and you won't be able to run at all, and that'll be the training out of the window.''
Today as flakes started falling, I wasn't worried about my heating bill, or my car failing to start, no, as I stood at the window watching the white stuff fall and wishing it'd stop, I was thinking how I won't be able to ride my bike. And there is absolutely no way I could even contemplate riding on a turbo for 4 hours. 4 minutes and I'm bored out of my head. So the snow is a curse for me and my anxiety levels!!
Writing this I'm realising just how much I obsess about my training.. logic tells me that taking time for different interests, different sports and different routines all help, but The Sheriff is always in the background, telling me I haven't trained enough, I'm not doing enough, going fast enough, hard enough, eating the right things, etc.
I find myself looking at my schedule and my calendar, flapping about sessions I've missed and how many weeks I've got to go, trying to swap things to make it fit, analysing my speed, obsessing I'll be so slow that I won't make the cutoff, and thinking it'd be easier to just quit and pull out.
Obviously I won't do that, but sometimes... Aaaargh!!
To quote a good friend of mine- ''Triathlon is like having a relationship with someone who messes with your mind!''
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