Gone With The Wind and Man-ning Up.. Literally.

Firstly I'd just like to thank everyone for their lovely comments since I began this, it always gives me a huge grin when I see that someone is enjoying my ramblings! It's really flattering to think people take the time to read and feedback, and it encourages me to keep writing. Gotta keep my fans happy after all.. : p

Anyway, to the point, as I'm sure some people don't care if I'm flattered and grinning or not.
Sunday is the day for the long ride. Currently I'm up to 4 hours. So yesterday I was dutifully up at 7am, Ready for the 8.30am start, not wanting to be late (set off point is 40 minutes away) I load the bike onto the rack- (being careful not to scratch it, I check before and after, I get really upset if there is a new mark. Actually this isn't healthy. A year ago I had an accident and went over the handlebars, resulting in losing most of my front tooth, and smashing my chin and lower lip up. When I gained conciousness I slurred through broken mouth to the policeman ''Is the bike ok? is it scratched? Is it bent?'' I'm sure he thought I had some kind of concussion as the paramedic picked my tooth and me off the floor. - No darling, sadly not, this IS my personality, not a side effect from banging my head. Imagine living with it and you'll understand what I go through 24/7- As the doors were closing to take me to hospital I was straining to see if he was treating it gently....) -and off I go.

I really felt the part, I've got some new lycra that looks bloody brilliant, and it matches my bike. (What a geek, and not in a good way, my lycra fetish is wrong. I should be buying pretty dresses and handbags, not cycling stuff) I also really love these rides, the people I go out with are great, it's a brilliant social time. Probably not the point, but in my head that's the best bit. Along with the cake. Luuuurve the cake.

 On Saturday our organiser, chef, bike spares shop owner, doctor/medic, (me- I bonked. Which isn't a reference to the slang term for getting your leg over that you learnt at school, it's actually a technical sports term for ''ran out of carbohydrate, has depleted glycogen stores, keeled over'' thank you very much. I was fed Jelly babies, and reminded to drink every 15 minutes by a loud ''DRINK CAYCI''!!!) route planner, assistant of the met office weather control, rescuer of people by the wayside (me again- when I got off the bike and declared I absolutely was not going any further, let me tell you, I was a sad little folorn figure walking up the side of that long looooong road, and have never been so pleased to see that 4x4 zooming to my rescue, but that's a story for another day), unofficial coach and general centre of the gathering texted me to say the weather was predicted to be quite windy. (She checks it before every ride)

Driving there I was thinking, arh, this isn't so bad.. The car wasn't shaking, the trees were hardly moving. In those 40 minutes something changed.When I arrived I opened the door and nearly got blown into the wall opposite! Any cyclist will tell you that the worst case scenario for a ride/race is wind. It slows you right down, and just makes the whole experience strength sapping, morale sapping, ''this is fun'' sapping, social sapping (you can't hear a word anyone is saying, so no point speaking, save your energy) not to mention dangerous. A lightweight road bike is no match for crosswinds, headwinds, winds that gush from cars/lorries, or any bloody winds at all!! AWAY WITH THE WIND I SAY, AWAY WITH THE WIND!!
*breathe*

Anyway, after we were all finally ready, (13 of us this week) amid positive comments like, ''This is going to be soul destroying'' ''The worst worst worst experience ever'' ''I don't fancy doing 4 hours in this'', we set off.
The first ten miles or so were fine.. I'm really trying to get faster now, (unsuccessfully my Garmin tells me, sure there's something wrong with it) so I pushed as hard as I dared knowing I still had ages to go. We had  a shout from the back to stop about an hour in, which was whispered through the ranks as the 'P' word.. That's twice it's happened to other people now.. Oh my God, they say bad luck comes in threes don't they,
Will I be next?! Is this really it?! Will I ever ride again?! Tune in next week to find out folks!! 
*breathe*

The first part of the ride was simply luring us into a false sense of security, we turned a corner, and suddenly it jumped right at us. Or in this case, swirled, gusted, blew, howled, pushed, and raged. Not to be put off, I went on the drops, trying to stay low as possible. Unfortunately I can't stay like that for long, because of the saddle thing. My bits really hurt! Must get a womens specific one. One made of silk would be nice. Or bubbles. I started thinking that men must be better off,  because they can lift and tuck out of the way. Or maybe they can take it off and put it in their bag. I know I said in the last post they can't but mm. I think there is deception going on here. How can anyone be comfy on those seats? I seem to be the only one squirming after an hour or two. Maybe I just need to man up, so to speak. But not literally. No thanks.

Anyway, we heard another shout from the back, and stopped again. we thought it was another puncture,
(at which I nearly had a meltdown of anxiety, 'It'll be me next, I just know it, it's coming for mmeeee')
but it turned out that through a gap in the hedge, a particularly nasty gust had sneakily shot out and blew a rider from his bike.

Anyone else seeing a theme here? It was ''Free Willy'' last post, Now it's ''Gone With The Wind''! Guess next weeks' film and win a flatscreen TV!

Now I don't think he'll mind me saying that he is rather slight, and rather small in build. By that I mean he has not an ounce of fat anywhere. My thigh is probably wider. (talking to him after I offered to give him some of my fat from my ass and hips, sharing and caring, that's me)Unfortunately I'm one of those awful people that always laughs when someone trips, or falls over. I can't help it, humans are supposed to be upright, and when they aren't it's just hilarious.
What made me giggle even more was that it was him. (On a previous ride he'd hit the deck after forgetting to unclip, right in front of us, and in spectacular style, not at the side of the puddle, but right in it)
Anyway, trying my best to be tactful I went up and showed my concern in my own special style of a yorkshire farmer way- ''I didn't know you got blew off, ya should get sum stew dahn ya, get some meat on ya bones boy!'' then rode off thinking how great it was that something exciting had happened for me to blog about. (I think he knows what I'm like by now, and I did care enough to offer him MY fat anyway)

After a few more sapping of everything miles there was yet ANOTHER shout to stop. What now?! Has someone lost a wheel? Ran out of jaffa cakes or sour snakes? (poetry as well, you get everything here)  Been carried off to the land of Oz by the wind?!

No, someone had gone the wrong way, straight on instead of turning. The social sapping of wind is an important factor, not only do you miss out on what your mate did last night, you also can't hear frantic screams of ''LEFT! LEFT! TURN LEFT!! and carry on happily, unaware that in this case, some poor sod gets extra miles added on peddling after you to bring you back.
That gave the rest of us 15 minutes to stand around talking about- the wind.
 It's true what foreigners say about the English. We are obsessed with the weather, first time we get to talk without sign language and we discuss that. Even here isn't safe,  it's all I've gone on about.

Anyway, for the rest of the ride, aside from a wee stop where 5 people all lined up making a very pretty sight on the horizon and a few car drivers stare, nothing much else happened.
I had a discussion about what I'm going to do about this at the Outlaw. I don't ever really need to wee when I'm out on the bike for these rides, but that's because they aren't that long yet. (4 hours, not that long, now I know I'm slowly decending to madness) Obviously I will have to at some point though, and in the race.
 I just will not be getting my backside out. No way. I explained to the others who were sceptic, it's for the good of Nottingham and my fellow competitors, I'm thinking of them!! That's the last thing they'd want to see when they're already suffering.

I've heard of a device called a shewee, which allows a woman to stand up and pee like a bloke.(Sports people and campers use them, I have not made enquiries at the gender reassignment clinic). It's like a cardboard tube thing apparently. Which brings a whole new thing to the table really. I have to decide if I do want to ''man up'' Literally this time, or make suffer the others. Mm. Decisions decisions!!

Doing this event isn't just about the training, it's also about all the little stuff inbetween, including the things, as a woman, you naturally worry about. Should I wear waterproof make up so I look half decent in the finishing picture? Will false nails get in my way? Should my nail varnish match my suit or my bike? What the hell is my hair going to look like after all that time? And my skin? I can't stop to cleanse, tone, and moisturise can I?
And the big wee debate- Shewee or squat?

I've also seriously thought about taking a small bottle of mouthwash with me to use in T2 (transition 2, the bit when you are changing from the bike to the run) because the effect of sports drinks, bars and gels on your teeth isn't great. And neither is the aftertaste. (I want one part of me to feel good and revitalised)

Off to make a cup of tea. I've got a lot to think about ;)