Swimming Has Never Been So Annoying!!!

Warning- Rant coming up!!

Went to the gym this afternoon. I don't like gyms, I find them really claustrophobic, and I'd much rather be outside. I only usually use the weights machines and go to them because I know that doing a core strength session at home just isn't going to happen.  When I'm paying a fee I know I'll get my backside down there!!

Anyway, after that I decided to do the unthinkable and brave the public swim session as well. I thought I could get my set done today and then wouldn't have to get up at ridiculous o'clock on Friday morning to squeeze it in.

As it hit 6.30 everyone swarmed the pool, pushed off and started their swim. After 15 minutes I had to get out. Why? Lets see....

1st Annoyance- WHY don't people stick to lanes? Why? Why do they swim horizontal, diagonal, and in a frigging zig zag formation?! GO up and down, in a straight line! STTTTTRAIGHT LINE!!  When swimming crawl you can't see directly in front of you, and I don't want to be booted by your breaststroke leg kick and your flailing arms every time I pass thank you, nor do I want to have to swim round, over, under and everywhere else to get out of your way! And I move over to the next lane, then hey ho, five minutes later, there you are again, directly in front! MOVE! Pick a lane, preferably the one furthest from me, and stay in it!!

2nd Annoyance- Girls, you are in the pool in Nottingham, NOT on a beach in Ibiza. Please wear something decent. A white bikini does not count within that criteria, nor does thong type swimsuits. And holding your head so high out of the water that you're risking a neck injury so not to smudge your make up? Silly. So is squealing every time you get splashed. It's water. You tend to get wet.

3rd Annoyance- Ethel and Mabel, the two old dears gently breaststroking along with their perms and still with glasses on, side by side. Now, I'd love to talk to you about the latest episode of columbo or the scarf you're knitting, but not in the pool. See Annoyance 1 for reference. Please get out of the way.

4th Annoyance- The ones who try and race you. ''Look at me, I'm fast''!! Yes, you can push past me, blind me with all the water spraying everywhere and disrupt my stroke just to swim for 25m at which point you turn purple, pant, and grind to a halt, only to do it all again a length later. I don't care whether you can swim faster than me,  or actually swim at all, just get out of the way.

5th Annoyance- Why do you have to stand RIGHT at the place in which I need to turn? You can see I'm swimming, You can see I'm probably not going to stop and have a chat. So therefore, as you are stopping to have a chat, could you move to one side? Maybe into the huge free space on the other side of you? It's really not nice to have to swim inbetween you and your friend, and I'm sure it puts you off talking as well.

6th Annoyance- Just married/Just met/One night stand/Whatever canoodling in the corner- It's a pool, not a brothel. Get a room, and get out of my way.

7th Annoyance- Women doing your breaststroke in cosy little social groups, yes swimming is relaxing, it's great, and I'm sure it's lovely to chit chat to all your mates. It's a wonderful form of exercise. But that is exactly what it is- exercise. And there are four different strokes, the one I use is crawl. Please do not shoot dirty looks in my direction, or tut to your friend about the fact that I splashed your hair and face on the way past. I am there to swim. Yes, swim! Imagine that in a pool!!

8th Annoyance- People who do that weird breaststroke thing where they just put their mouths in the water, and make a noise like ''bububuububbubrrrrrrrr'' and blow bubbles with each stroke. Why? WHY?  Aargh, it drives me insane, I honestly get the urge to dunk them every time I go past!! Head out of the water, or do it properly and get your head completely in!! In or out, not inbetween with just your mouth you weirdos!!

9th Annoyance- Gormy Lifeguards.

10th Annoyance- Gormy Lifeguards not doing their job and telling the brats divebombing right next to my head to pack it in.

I could go on. I really could... Looks like I'll be getting up at ridiculous O'clock on Friday after all.